In search of Constant Happiness

What has become of me? Or was I like this always, just did not know this fact about me? I feel something inside, can’t explain what it is. How can I explain something, that I dont even understand myself.

I try hard to figure out what it is. Sometimes, I think it is this strong urge to “just matter”. I want to matter in this life, in this world. Not to others, but to myself. Feel Like I am in constant search of happiness. I don’t really know what makes me happy. Loving ¬†parents, brother sisters, wife, friends, all I have got. But I have not experienced that ultimate happiness.

May be I am overlooking at it and may be I am demented.

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