The fear

The feeling of not knowing
Kills my brain

My brain is like an old chair
Bent and hunched
brown and rusted at the bottom
Standing alone in one corner of the room
About to collapse soon

I Sit at my desk and stare outside the
Wall sized bay windows
I often like to look at the sky
Than the city itself

Sometimes have to work real hard
To see the sky
That hides amidst the concrete trees

I tell myself, I am loosing it
Loosing it big time.

My biggest fear you ask;
Is that I might die without
Meaning something in the world

The thought haunted me
First when I was a kid
And at thirty it still persists

Do you get Lonely?

Do you get lonely? Asked she
Yes I do, always do
When do you feel lonely?
All the time, all the fucking time.

When have you felt most lonely?
I can’t pin point, I think my whole life.
May be when I am with a crowd
I feel lonelier than ever

Why did you marry me?
Because, it was meant to
Because I was suppose to

Do you still feel lonely?
Yes I do, I always do.

Do you think you need help?
With what, are you saying I am sick?
Mentally disturbed, suffering from depression
Have signs of resignation?

Can you do me a favor? I ask of her.
Go stand in front of a mirror
And try not to look at yourself
But see yourself.

Ask yourself, if you feel complete?
Whether or not, you know yourself
What defines you, what defines this life of yours?
Have you figured out why you were put in here?
Why were you born?

If you think we being together is the end of life
For you and me
Then we don’t live this life
But we only thrive
Like a parasite does on its host

Believe me you and me we both are lost.

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